My Anthony...
Your crystal blue eyes pierce through my heart. A flash back of memories that seem worlds apart.
I with one wing, you with another, will soar through this world on the backs of each other.
Lets go discover your wildest dreams, lets embrace each other with each of our wings.
With you the pilot, you lift me up. I know if broken you'll help pull me up.
You are my dreams, my destiny. And now it is my turn to let you see. See this great big world full of trials.
I will carry you through, through all of the miles.
And when it is time you will grow your own wings.
I will still carry on, fulfilling my dream.
I will now watch over your flights, know that I will be here shinning the light.
Carry the light safe in your heart. It is there that we will never part.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
A soldiers journey.
Today I woke up feeling loved, feeling thankful to be alive. I had just received an email from my husband Oz. Although it was brief, it stated lightheartedly that he wanted to let me know that he still had all of his arms and legs. To be blunt there was another incident near him and he wanted to let me know not to worry before I saw the news. I am always thankful for his selfless acts such as these. That small piece of information ensured me I could relax a little. Of course the thought of how many times it has come close to him worries me, but I also know that he is a smart, quick thinking man who will do whatever it takes to get home to us. While our men and women are fighting for us, those of us they have to come home to are constantly battling our own fears of what could be. My husband truly believes in "no one left behind" and as I believe this to be a major source of some of his anxiety and post traumatic stress, it leads him to his journey home to us. Home is where we are waiting and praying for a safe arrival.
The separation never gets easier. Are we able to grow and cope with becoming a single parent over night better? Yes. Are we finding it a little easier to sleep at night? ...NO. My husband and I often speak of how sleepless our nights have been. We always lay in bed and talk about our day before we fall asleep, and without the comfort of him there listening (or sometimes snoring lol) I find it virtually impossible to fall asleep. Instead I exhaust myself until I have no choice but to fall asleep. All of us have those days where we wish we could just lock ourselves in our room and hide. I just keep reminding myself that just as he must stand up and fight, so must I. Although my battle not as trying, it is one that I fight for our family. We have all had those days where the kids have pushed every button, dogs are barking, and everything breaks. Just when it seems like all the broken cannot be fixed, he calls, and for a brief moment all of the stress just melts away. It is then that I remember what he is doing. Maybe last night he didn't sleep at all because the enemy decided to launch rockets into the base he is living on, the only place you think he has some safety. All those sleepless night will never amount to his nights haunted by nightmares of the past or present.
The one thing that keeps us all alive in this trial of life is hope. Hope remains strong in a military families hearts. "I hope he can call" , "I hope he made it safe to the base", "I hope he misses us", "I hope everything is going to be ok when he comes home". How many of us nearly put ourselves out of commission stressing over the things to get done? Things like making sure his car is up to date with registrations, inspections...the things that he most likely took care of himself when home. Making sure everything is picture perfect at home, ceiling fans dusted, filters changed, grass mowed, cars washed, garage cleaned. After all, these are the things the FRG suggest for us to do so they can better enjoy their welcome home. I often find myself stressing out if it rains for 3 days in a row. This means I have to start a few things over, and do I have time to get all of this done, take care of the everyday things, and keep my sanity. No. But is it worth it that I lose my sanity for the next 10 days to ensure that our family has a happy start for the rest of our future? Yes.
When the Army has been your family for the past 16 months, suddenly a task as simple to me as washing the dishes can become stressful to him. Especially if you are like me and reorganize all the time. This making it harder for him to know where things have been kept for the past year.Once again this is a trying time. Those of us waiting at home must become more patient than ever and compromise if he wants to put the spatula in the 3rd drawer instead of the 2nd. It is more important that we learn how to be together again. Taking a break from every day life chores and getting to know each other all over again...something a million miles and limited 5 minute phone calls should never come in the way of. Learning how to love each other again for the "new" parts of you that have changed is hard. In fact it is something most people do not survive. But how in the face of the enemy do we just throw in the towel? As a soldiers wife I will stand up and fight. There will be no surrender when he is standing there in front of me. For me it is all or nothing. My husband doesn't always like this about me when it comes to other matters, but matters of the heart are not ever figured out easily. Never once has my husband come home the same man that left. I know that I have grown and changed. One thing that I am always thankful for is that he always comes home.
This deployment has proven difficult for Oz. An amazing man, husband and soldier that Oz worked with was killed in battle. He found out when he was attending a "fallen soldier" ceremony. For 3 days he was angry, sad, confused and upset. Why? Of course he was deeply saddened. But he couldn't tell me until the family had been informed,which he respectfully understood. By the hints he gave me through our conversations I began to piece things together. I worked with his wife at one point and we had been to a dinner together. So he began to talk about those times, and to ask me how she was. I hadn't spoken to her in ages. When I went to look her up (we were friends on mypsace) I saw everything had been deleted. Instantly I knew. I typed in her husbands name in google and there it was. His military report on how he was killed in battle just days before. Oz and I were by no means best friends with him and his wife. They are however, amazing people. Everyone around them could always feel the love they had and shared. Your heart sinks when you see just how close to home war comes.
Anthony and I say a prayer for Oz every night. "Dear God, keep my Daddy safe, help him shoot the bad guys, tell him that I love him, tell him that I miss him and bring him home soon. Amen, thank you Lord." (Anthony is 4 and made this up himself) Once again, it gives us hope. When time becomes the enemy that keeps you apart, you hope. Hope for that 5 minute phone call, or that simple email. And hope that soon they will begin the end of their journey, their journey home to you.
The separation never gets easier. Are we able to grow and cope with becoming a single parent over night better? Yes. Are we finding it a little easier to sleep at night? ...NO. My husband and I often speak of how sleepless our nights have been. We always lay in bed and talk about our day before we fall asleep, and without the comfort of him there listening (or sometimes snoring lol) I find it virtually impossible to fall asleep. Instead I exhaust myself until I have no choice but to fall asleep. All of us have those days where we wish we could just lock ourselves in our room and hide. I just keep reminding myself that just as he must stand up and fight, so must I. Although my battle not as trying, it is one that I fight for our family. We have all had those days where the kids have pushed every button, dogs are barking, and everything breaks. Just when it seems like all the broken cannot be fixed, he calls, and for a brief moment all of the stress just melts away. It is then that I remember what he is doing. Maybe last night he didn't sleep at all because the enemy decided to launch rockets into the base he is living on, the only place you think he has some safety. All those sleepless night will never amount to his nights haunted by nightmares of the past or present.
The one thing that keeps us all alive in this trial of life is hope. Hope remains strong in a military families hearts. "I hope he can call" , "I hope he made it safe to the base", "I hope he misses us", "I hope everything is going to be ok when he comes home". How many of us nearly put ourselves out of commission stressing over the things to get done? Things like making sure his car is up to date with registrations, inspections...the things that he most likely took care of himself when home. Making sure everything is picture perfect at home, ceiling fans dusted, filters changed, grass mowed, cars washed, garage cleaned. After all, these are the things the FRG suggest for us to do so they can better enjoy their welcome home. I often find myself stressing out if it rains for 3 days in a row. This means I have to start a few things over, and do I have time to get all of this done, take care of the everyday things, and keep my sanity. No. But is it worth it that I lose my sanity for the next 10 days to ensure that our family has a happy start for the rest of our future? Yes.
When the Army has been your family for the past 16 months, suddenly a task as simple to me as washing the dishes can become stressful to him. Especially if you are like me and reorganize all the time. This making it harder for him to know where things have been kept for the past year.Once again this is a trying time. Those of us waiting at home must become more patient than ever and compromise if he wants to put the spatula in the 3rd drawer instead of the 2nd. It is more important that we learn how to be together again. Taking a break from every day life chores and getting to know each other all over again...something a million miles and limited 5 minute phone calls should never come in the way of. Learning how to love each other again for the "new" parts of you that have changed is hard. In fact it is something most people do not survive. But how in the face of the enemy do we just throw in the towel? As a soldiers wife I will stand up and fight. There will be no surrender when he is standing there in front of me. For me it is all or nothing. My husband doesn't always like this about me when it comes to other matters, but matters of the heart are not ever figured out easily. Never once has my husband come home the same man that left. I know that I have grown and changed. One thing that I am always thankful for is that he always comes home.
This deployment has proven difficult for Oz. An amazing man, husband and soldier that Oz worked with was killed in battle. He found out when he was attending a "fallen soldier" ceremony. For 3 days he was angry, sad, confused and upset. Why? Of course he was deeply saddened. But he couldn't tell me until the family had been informed,which he respectfully understood. By the hints he gave me through our conversations I began to piece things together. I worked with his wife at one point and we had been to a dinner together. So he began to talk about those times, and to ask me how she was. I hadn't spoken to her in ages. When I went to look her up (we were friends on mypsace) I saw everything had been deleted. Instantly I knew. I typed in her husbands name in google and there it was. His military report on how he was killed in battle just days before. Oz and I were by no means best friends with him and his wife. They are however, amazing people. Everyone around them could always feel the love they had and shared. Your heart sinks when you see just how close to home war comes.
Anthony and I say a prayer for Oz every night. "Dear God, keep my Daddy safe, help him shoot the bad guys, tell him that I love him, tell him that I miss him and bring him home soon. Amen, thank you Lord." (Anthony is 4 and made this up himself) Once again, it gives us hope. When time becomes the enemy that keeps you apart, you hope. Hope for that 5 minute phone call, or that simple email. And hope that soon they will begin the end of their journey, their journey home to you.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Wow it has been over a year!
It has been over a year since I have blogged in here! I think the facebook craze took over~
Ok lets see...
Oz deployed in April again. I was still working at David's Bridal as a manager, and Anthony was being tossed here there and everywhere because of my schedule. Amongst everything I started having what felt like HEART ATTACKS in the middle of the night. The final one sent me to the hospital and straight to surgery. Thank goodness my awesome family came to help me.
While I was recovering Anthony and his Papaw went to...Disney World! Anthony STILL talk about it every time he sees a Disney commercial! ;) What an awesome Papaw Anthony has :) Mom came and helped me...I don't know what I would have done without her!
In August we went to the beach house and had a great time! Anthony and I used it as a vacation for us, and mainly hung out with GG and Pop as Anthony calls them! We loved seeing everyone!
In September I had my first High School Reunion...a sure way to make you feel OLD! I got to see a lot of old friends and had a great time! I wish Oz could have been there with me though.
In October I made the decision to quit David's Bridal after 5 years. It wasn't one that came easy. The bouncing around was getting too hard for me and Anthony. I also could not turn down an opportunity to work at home. I am even going to get my Masters now and I am sooo excited! I learned a lot from my boss, Aleana and I will use what I learned every day in my own business.
Oz came home right after Christmas! Anthony and I made a sign for Santa asking him to please hold Christmas for his Daddy! It worked! Santa came on December 29th! Anthony and OZ (lol) were so excited! I decorated Oz's "man cave" upstairs for him and bought him what I would call an antique comic and framed it! (he still hasn't seen that because it wasn't here yet!) We had a great time while he was home. I fall in love with Oz and Anthony all over again when I see them together! We are so proud of Oz and cannot wait till this deployment brings him home to us!
I was very lucky to have one of my best friends DAYNA come visit after Oz left. There is no better medicine than great friends when you are sad! I love you Dayna!
I have painted my school room and am just waiting for my apt at the lending library to set up my room! I have all my requirements scheduled and am off on Monday to get a fingerprint card (weird huh?) So I am almost open for business!
Look out for more Blogs to come! Kim
Ok lets see...
Oz deployed in April again. I was still working at David's Bridal as a manager, and Anthony was being tossed here there and everywhere because of my schedule. Amongst everything I started having what felt like HEART ATTACKS in the middle of the night. The final one sent me to the hospital and straight to surgery. Thank goodness my awesome family came to help me.
While I was recovering Anthony and his Papaw went to...Disney World! Anthony STILL talk about it every time he sees a Disney commercial! ;) What an awesome Papaw Anthony has :) Mom came and helped me...I don't know what I would have done without her!
In August we went to the beach house and had a great time! Anthony and I used it as a vacation for us, and mainly hung out with GG and Pop as Anthony calls them! We loved seeing everyone!
In September I had my first High School Reunion...a sure way to make you feel OLD! I got to see a lot of old friends and had a great time! I wish Oz could have been there with me though.
In October I made the decision to quit David's Bridal after 5 years. It wasn't one that came easy. The bouncing around was getting too hard for me and Anthony. I also could not turn down an opportunity to work at home. I am even going to get my Masters now and I am sooo excited! I learned a lot from my boss, Aleana and I will use what I learned every day in my own business.
Oz came home right after Christmas! Anthony and I made a sign for Santa asking him to please hold Christmas for his Daddy! It worked! Santa came on December 29th! Anthony and OZ (lol) were so excited! I decorated Oz's "man cave" upstairs for him and bought him what I would call an antique comic and framed it! (he still hasn't seen that because it wasn't here yet!) We had a great time while he was home. I fall in love with Oz and Anthony all over again when I see them together! We are so proud of Oz and cannot wait till this deployment brings him home to us!
I was very lucky to have one of my best friends DAYNA come visit after Oz left. There is no better medicine than great friends when you are sad! I love you Dayna!
I have painted my school room and am just waiting for my apt at the lending library to set up my room! I have all my requirements scheduled and am off on Monday to get a fingerprint card (weird huh?) So I am almost open for business!
Look out for more Blogs to come! Kim
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The holidays!
I am so excited! We will be spending Thanksgiving in Kathleen Georgia with my parents! We plan on doing a lot of shopping, eating, and picture taking! It will be the first time the whole family (including all the new boys :)) has been together since 1999! Pictures and update to follow!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
First Blog!
Well hello everyone!
This is my very first blog! Not sure how this will work but I thought it would be worth a shot!
I guess I should sum up this year!
January: My wonderful parents helped move Anthony and I into our new home! Oz and I were so thankful that my Mom and Dad let us stay with them during Oz's long 15 month deployment! 4 months to count down till Oz came home and I had so much unpacking to do!! I went back to work 5 days after we got back and Anthony started school the same week! It is perfectly located ACROSS the street! I could not have gotten luckier! It is a Christian daycare and even though it is rather expensive, it is well worth the better care!
February: Went by fast! Anthony of course had cold and flu the whole month! I finally met my awesome neighbors...the O'Grady family! I couldn't have gotten through February or March without them! Kimo and Eddie Rock! Alisha, Kimo, Alicia, Shannon, Rhonya, and Katie and Steve all helped me with my crazy work schedule and Anthony! I have the greatest friends! As for the unpacking it was all finish except Oz's game/bonus room!
March: I was a mess! I was so anxious for Oz to come home to a perfectly finished house! I was getting mad at things like the entertainment cabinet not being in on time etc!! I don't really remember much else about this month lol. Anthony and I made a count down calander and each morning he marked off another day until Daddy came home!!
March 31-April 1: OZ CAME HOME! WOO HOO!
April: The DAY Oz got home he could not sleep! While everyone was sleeping he was organzing the garage and putting the entertainment centers together! (seriously after 5 days of traveling!) OCD anyone? LOL! It was so great to have him home finally! We took this month to settle in and for Anthony and Oz to get to know each other again! Oz couldn't believe how big he was and how much he was talking!!
May: We had a huge memorial day/welcome home party for Oz! My Aunt and Uncle and cousins came as well as my parents, sisters and other friends! Oz was getting back to work and things pretty much went back to normal! We started designing some of the house a little more as well! Painting EVERYTHING! I love having my own house!
June-August: Oz and I found out we were expecting! Unfortunately it ended in a miscarriage. We were both devestated. We only had to try once to get pregnant and never expected anything to go wrong! We wont be trying again any time soon. I need some time and he is deploying again. I dont think I could do it alone...so we will wait!
June: I finally met Oz's sister Marlene and her beautiful family! I love her so much and all three of her girls!!! We pray every day for her new daughter who is fighting strong to pull through all of her heart problems!
July: Nikki and Amy both gave birth to healthy handsom boys, Mason and Daniel! I could not have been more proud to be an Aunt!
August-till Current: Anthonys third birthday party will be at Chuck-e-cheese with a predictabe SPONGE BOB theme! LOL! He cannot wait for his Papa and Mama to get here with Lucky Dawg! More updates to come!
This is my very first blog! Not sure how this will work but I thought it would be worth a shot!
I guess I should sum up this year!
January: My wonderful parents helped move Anthony and I into our new home! Oz and I were so thankful that my Mom and Dad let us stay with them during Oz's long 15 month deployment! 4 months to count down till Oz came home and I had so much unpacking to do!! I went back to work 5 days after we got back and Anthony started school the same week! It is perfectly located ACROSS the street! I could not have gotten luckier! It is a Christian daycare and even though it is rather expensive, it is well worth the better care!
February: Went by fast! Anthony of course had cold and flu the whole month! I finally met my awesome neighbors...the O'Grady family! I couldn't have gotten through February or March without them! Kimo and Eddie Rock! Alisha, Kimo, Alicia, Shannon, Rhonya, and Katie and Steve all helped me with my crazy work schedule and Anthony! I have the greatest friends! As for the unpacking it was all finish except Oz's game/bonus room!
March: I was a mess! I was so anxious for Oz to come home to a perfectly finished house! I was getting mad at things like the entertainment cabinet not being in on time etc!! I don't really remember much else about this month lol. Anthony and I made a count down calander and each morning he marked off another day until Daddy came home!!
March 31-April 1: OZ CAME HOME! WOO HOO!
April: The DAY Oz got home he could not sleep! While everyone was sleeping he was organzing the garage and putting the entertainment centers together! (seriously after 5 days of traveling!) OCD anyone? LOL! It was so great to have him home finally! We took this month to settle in and for Anthony and Oz to get to know each other again! Oz couldn't believe how big he was and how much he was talking!!
May: We had a huge memorial day/welcome home party for Oz! My Aunt and Uncle and cousins came as well as my parents, sisters and other friends! Oz was getting back to work and things pretty much went back to normal! We started designing some of the house a little more as well! Painting EVERYTHING! I love having my own house!
June-August: Oz and I found out we were expecting! Unfortunately it ended in a miscarriage. We were both devestated. We only had to try once to get pregnant and never expected anything to go wrong! We wont be trying again any time soon. I need some time and he is deploying again. I dont think I could do it alone...so we will wait!
June: I finally met Oz's sister Marlene and her beautiful family! I love her so much and all three of her girls!!! We pray every day for her new daughter who is fighting strong to pull through all of her heart problems!
July: Nikki and Amy both gave birth to healthy handsom boys, Mason and Daniel! I could not have been more proud to be an Aunt!
August-till Current: Anthonys third birthday party will be at Chuck-e-cheese with a predictabe SPONGE BOB theme! LOL! He cannot wait for his Papa and Mama to get here with Lucky Dawg! More updates to come!
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